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Topic: What is worse?

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ian
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What is worse?

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I was listening to a talk last night on choice and motivation. 

 

An interesting question came up.

 

What is worse? 

 

1. To be with the women (or man) you don't really love (but can't really leave).

2. To have loved someone and been totally and absolutely sure about that but to have been told you are the most useless ugly pile of dog poo?

3. to have been in love but now not in love and still with the person?

 

The question is a sort of metaphor for all our choices.

 

 



-- Edited by ian on Friday 27th of February 2015 11:58:54 AM

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sickly child
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Number 2 for me.

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cheeks
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Number 1 without a shadow of a doubt, I honestly wish that on July 17, 1999 I'd have legged it at the alter.

Was the happiest guy going when the decree absolute was issued, only drawback was I was not allowed to see my son for quite a while and went through a stressful custody battle.

Lust becomes love, becomes tolerance



-- Edited by cheeks on Friday 27th of February 2015 08:02:45 PM

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Heman
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All relative. I was happy as hell when I got married. 7 years into the marriage it was hard work. 23 years in and I love her more than ever. People are constantly changing.

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ian
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Heman wrote:

All relative. I was happy as hell when I got married. 7 years into the marriage it was hard work. 23 years in and I love her more than ever. People are constantly changing.

 Number 3 then?

With the current state of ' in love '!



-- Edited by ian on Saturday 28th of February 2015 11:32:45 AM

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One_Kevin_Kilmore
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Im going for a number 2 smile



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towd codger
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Lads, lads, take it from a twice married now widowed Towd Codger. Nobody said life was going to be easy. We all make the choices that we believe to be right at the time. Time and unforseen cir***stances have a habit of changing things. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but it does no good to dwell on what might have been. Take the best bits from every situation that life throws at you and don't dwell on the negative aspects. It's the only way to be happy. Be content with your lot.

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towd codger
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Oops cir***stances was the word I was searching for in my previous post.

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Exetermiller
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I was with my fiance for 8 years, we married in 2010, 12 months later she had a catastrophic brain anuerysm at 32 and totally changed who she was. At the time we had 2 very young children and a step child of hers I to this day can't stand the sight of. She is not the person I met, niether married, but I have a duty to honour my contract witnessed in front of both our families and in front of our children. I don't love my wife the way (I imagine), other people do; but it's the cards we've been dealt. I'm sure as hell she wouldn't have run if the roles were reversed, and she sure as hell didn't ask or deserve to have happen to her what did. If I left I'd be a selfish coward leaving a disabled person in the lurch, is the grass greener on the other side? - I don't know, we have a good relationship, yes our lives have changed dramatically; it's certainly not what I envisaged, but niether my wife. But you get on with it don't you, make the best of what you do have. Number one is tough, but it's the cowards and self centred that don't stick it out (in my opinion), number 2 I can't really say I've been in that position, and isn't number 3 the same as number 1? - That's my take anyway, pyschologists feel free to lock me up!

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sickly child
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Bravo Exeter.

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One_Kevin_Kilmore
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Exetermiller wrote:

I was with my fiance for 8 years, we married in 2010, 12 months later she had a catastrophic brain anuerysm at 32 and totally changed who she was. At the time we had 2 very young children and a step child of hers I to this day can't stand the sight of. She is not the person I met, niether married, but I have a duty to honour my contract witnessed in front of both our families and in front of our children. I don't love my wife the way (I imagine), other people do; but it's the cards we've been dealt. I'm sure as hell she wouldn't have run if the roles were reversed, and she sure as hell didn't ask or deserve to have happen to her what did. If I left I'd be a selfish coward leaving a disabled person in the lurch, is the grass greener on the other side? - I don't know, we have a good relationship, yes our lives have changed dramatically; it's certainly not what I envisaged, but niether my wife. But you get on with it don't you, make the best of what you do have. Number one is tough, but it's the cowards and self centred that don't stick it out (in my opinion), number 2 I can't really say I've been in that position, and isn't number 3 the same as number 1? - That's my take anyway, pyschologists feel free to lock me up!

 thumbsup.gif Well done Ex, someone with Morals and Loyalty, you will do for me mate. 

 

Life isnt always full of easy, wonderful opportunities, we have dire situations thrown at us and its how we deal with these situations that make the type of people we are.  Charactor building, maybe but sometimes you just have to have the backbone to make the right (mostly Harder) decisions and support our Family and loved ones. 

 



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ian
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Exetermiller wrote:

I was with my fiance for 8 years, we married in 2010, 12 months later she had a catastrophic brain anuerysm at 32 and totally changed who she was. At the time we had 2 very young children and a step child of hers I to this day can't stand the sight of. She is not the person I met, niether married, but I have a duty to honour my contract witnessed in front of both our families and in front of our children. I don't love my wife the way (I imagine), other people do; but it's the cards we've been dealt. I'm sure as hell she wouldn't have run if the roles were reversed, and she sure as hell didn't ask or deserve to have happen to her what did. If I left I'd be a selfish coward leaving a disabled person in the lurch, is the grass greener on the other side? - I don't know, we have a good relationship, yes our lives have changed dramatically; it's certainly not what I envisaged, but niether my wife. But you get on with it don't you, make the best of what you do have. Number one is tough, but it's the cowards and self centred that don't stick it out (in my opinion), number 2 I can't really say I've been in that position, and isn't number 3 the same as number 1? - That's my take anyway, pyschologists feel free to lock me up!

 Thank you for a wonderful and helpful and honest response.

 

1 is somewhat different to 3 in several respects.

 

Here are some pointers from my understanding.

The first question might assume cir***stances where something other than love was the motivating force  for the partnership ( taking a job for status rather than passion; purchasing based on value not pleasure).  This is akin to many cir***stances we find ourselves obligated too. We are committed but without any deep emotional bond. We tend to pattern this in other aspects of our life, which might take on a more rational,  or unfeeling/unintuitive pattern of responding. For others it might mean a pattern of avoidance and fear.

 

Question 3 assumes love as the motivating force but something had happened to obscure that, which may or may not be trancendent to the growth of each party and perhaps the reappearance of love again. This relates to your particular cir***stance and your pattern of staying the course. This may probably be a pattern you have towards all things in your life albeit with one or two 'private' exceptions that allow some respite from the pattern. This is quite normal. 

 

The questions are aimed at eliciting our deeper emotional patterning that is always a pattern we use in relating to all other objects: people, cars, jobs, children, illness, success, failure, problems,  etc. 



-- Edited by ian on Wednesday 11th of March 2015 01:41:04 PM

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Exetermiller
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Ahhh, I can see it now -interesting perspectives - of course it doesn't matter zip - cos in 100 years nobody will even remember we were even here!

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Andy Monium
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Very often I used to dream of a woman from my past. One evening several years ago I visited a new pub's opening night.
The woman of my dreams was in the pub with her husband. She spotted me and walked away from her husband and made a bee line in my direction. She was very happy to see me. I could not think why that should be. We had never had a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. We talked for several minutes after which she returned to join her husband.

I never saw her again until one fateful evening our paths crossed again. She was travelling on the same train as me. I didn't see her until we were due to embark from the train. She was in tears and very unhappy. She was alone. I didn't approach her.

It was, I feel none of my business to get involved.

At that time I had just met someone who later became my wife.

It was then I stopped dreaming of the woman from my past.


In short, I fell in love with a dream but did not pursue it.

In reality, I fell in love with someone who stopped the dream.








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ian
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fell into another dream.

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Heman
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That's really sweet Andy. Something I can relate to.

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